At its core, the Inner Critic is a protective part of your psyche.

It formed when you were younger, in response to environments where your nervous system detected a threat, whether physical, emotional, or relational.

The “threat” might have been:

• Harsh criticism or unpredictable moods in caregivers.

• Social rejection or bullying.

• Conditional approval based on achievement or behaviour.

Your Inner Critic believes it is still protecting you from that same danger, even though your adult reality is very different.

That is why its methods often feel outdated, extreme, or exhausting.

 In this series, I will introduce you to five common Inner Critic types:

1. The Perfectionist

2. The Pusher

3. The Guilt-Tripper

4. The Controller

5. The Underminer

 For each, I will explore:

• The rules for living, your Inner Critic wants you to follow– what it says and the fear underneath.

• Origins – how and why it formed.

• The trauma link – how past experiences shaped its protective strategy.

• The perceived protective role – what it is trying to keep you safe from now.

• Practical steps

- dialogue for inner negotiation
- how to talk to your Inner Critic so it relaxes.
- integration practice – a practical way to work with your Inner Critic, not against it. 

Let’s start with The Perfectionist Inner Critic.

The rule it wants you to believe:

“If you are not perfect then you will be rejected, humiliated, or lose everything you have worked for.”

Origins:

The Perfectionist often forms when  love, safety, or approval were conditional on performance, achievement, or "being good." It may also arise in chaotic households, where the child learns that being flawless can reduce the risk of triggering anger or criticism from caregivers.

Trauma link:

Perfectionism is a way the mind learns to create safety by preventing mistakes. For many people, it began as a strategy to avoid disapproval or loss of credibility. Even when circumstances change, the Perfectionist can continue to believe that being flawless is the only way to protect your reputation and relationships.

Protective role:

It believes that if it holds you to impossible standards, you will never experience shame, rejection, or humiliation again.

When you notice yourself re-checking work or delaying a decision because “it’s not quite perfect,” that’s your cue to check in with this part of you

Practical steps:

Set aside a few quiet minutes, on your commute, during a short walk, or between meetings, to try this type of internal dialogue. It may feel unusual at first, but practising this way of speaking with your Perfectionist helps you understand its role. That understanding will prepare you for the integration practice, which is where you test new behaviours that balance the inner critic’s intentions with your current reality.

Inner Dialogue:

You: “I hear you saying this has to be perfect. Can we talk about that?”
Perfectionist: “If it is not perfect, they will see the flaws and you will lose credibility.”

You: “It sounds like you are trying to protect me from embarrassment or failure.”
Perfectionist: “Yes. I cannot let you risk it. It is too dangerous.”

You: “I appreciate that you want to keep me safe but right now, the stakes are not life-or-death. What if we aimed for ‘good enough’ and I promised to review before sharing?”
Perfectionist: “Maybe… as long as you double-check.”

You: “Deal.”

 Integration Practice:

An integration practice is a simple, repeatable action that lets you try out a new way of responding to your Inner Critic in real life.

For the Perfectionist, this means deciding in advance what “good enough” looks like, setting a clear review point, and committing to stop once you’ve met that standard. Over time, this retrains your mind to accept that excellence doesn’t always require perfection.

Remember, the aim is not to fully silence the part of you that has high standards, but to have some sense of separation from the Inner Critic so your high standards support you rather than exhaust you. Every time you pause to have this conversation, you’re rewiring how you respond under pressure. Over time, “excellent” can become your new gold standard, giving you agency over what matters most.

Suggested Reading

• Brown, B. (2010). The gifts of imperfection: Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are. Center City, MN: Hazelden. Link to Buy

• Fisher, J. (2021). Transforming the living legacy of trauma: A workbook for survivors and therapists. Eau Claire, WI: PESI Publishing. Link to Buy

• Schwartz, R. C. (2021). No bad parts: Healing trauma and restoring wholeness with the Internal Family Systems model. Boulder, CO: Sounds True. Link to Buy

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